Surviving Thanksgiving: Managing Stress, Finances and Family Expectations
Family. Food. Finances. Just three of the factors adults in the United States reported as causing them stress during the holiday season. An American Psychological Association (APA) report shows that nearly 40% of adults say they feel additional stress during the traditional holiday season, from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day.
Fifty-eight percent of the people polled say not having enough money, or spending too much money, worries them. Not surprisingly, households earning less than $50,000 annually report a higher level of stress than households earning more than $100,000 annually.
The stress second to financial worries is finding the right gift. It’s closely followed by the stress of missing family or loved ones.
We can’t help you pick a cardigan sweater for your grandmother, but the mental health experts at University Health Behavioral Health have helpful, healthy tips for missing a loved one during the holidays.
“You do whatever feels right for you. There’s no right way to grieve,” said Sarah Kaiser, MSW, LCSW, who along with behavioral health colleague Vladimir Sainte, LCSW, offers advice for people grieving during the upcoming holiday season.
When helping children process loss, Sainte said it’s key to start before the season. “Families who sit down together and address the holidays ahead of time do much better avoiding some of the fatigue, resentment and disappointment that can surface,” said Sainte. He frequently recommends two children’s books about love and loss: “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst and “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfeld. He said these can be very useful in sparking a conversation within families.
Other helpful tips include:
Decide as a family whether to change holiday traditions, or not. For example, if this is the first Thanksgiving without Grandpa, who always carved the turkey, maybe you skip the bird and make soup. Realize these changes don’t have to be permanent; take it one holiday at a time.
If you are changing the menu, ask children if there’s one dish that they associate most with family. Serving something familiar can help children feel centered.
Give yourself grace. Remember it’s okay to be merry, even after a loss. “It’s normal to feel conflicting emotions,” said Sainte. “You can have more than one big feeling at the same time.”
It’s also okay to feel relief, according to Kaiser. “It’s a very common feeling, especially for caregivers,” she said.
If talking about your loved one brings you happiness, let friends and family know that you welcome hearing stories about them.